Merit and empathy.

We are all biased. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying straight to your face. Our viewpoints on the world are filtered by layers upon layers of preconceived notions, ideas, and intentions. These are influenced by hundreds of factors like where you were raised, who raised you, good moments, bad moments, good mentors, bad mentors, among many others. We are all unique in how we view the world and no one is exactly the same. With recent news surrounding the supreme court ruling on affirmative action, the idea of merit, and exactly what that means has come to the forefront of a lot of conversation this past week.

Merit is the quality of being particularly good or worthy, especially so as to deserve praise or reward. This debate is not about the definition of merit though. It is on how we determine merit, and whether people take advantage of merit with those rose-colored glasses that we all have. Proponents of affirmative action say that it is needed because without it, minority populations and the merit they bring is not measured fairly. Those who oppose affirmative action say that merit should stand alone and not be influenced by underlying factors.

I think America as a whole has come a long way in regard to this debate. I guarantee, that if you were to pick at random ten regular Americans and asked them for their opinions on inequality, and the many forms that it presents itself in their lives, 8 out of those 10 would agree with my sentiments. Does that mean that we are perfect and unbiased? No, not in the least. Does it mean that people are still judged unfairly based on their race, religion, gender, and background? Without a doubt. Does it mean that there are people who have a higher mountain to climb to reach the summit of what success looks like for them just because of their race, gender, religion, and background? Absolutely. Merit, and what we determine as the quality of being particularly good or worthy should consider race, religion, gender, or background. By the same token, it should not be measured solely on just those factors either.

We will never be perfect, because we are human. We all have hurts, habits, hang-ups and shame that puts up an invisible barrier that we are reluctant to let down. At a conference this week, I gave a presentation on the hidden power of empathy. In this presentation, I have the group do some activities specific to better understanding the dynamics of empathy, and I come at it from the approach that while empathy is a soft skill that needs to be continuously revisited, it isn’t as soft and mushy as people make it out to be. It is a practical, structured, and tangible skill that anyone can cultivate regardless if you are naturally warm and inviting or cold and harsh.

I make an analogy that I call the Ted Lasso hypothesis where I compare Ted Lasso and Roy Kent and follow their journey throughout the show. If you haven’t seen the show, Ted is the master of empathy and emotional intelligence and it is like he was born with that skill. Roy is your stereotypical cold and harsh athlete who doesn’t care about anyone or anything. As the show progresses though, you see how Roy develops into someone who while still cold and harsh, is a master of empathy. How did that happen? It was a learned trait that only happened from Ted being the perfect example of what it means to be empathic, day in and day out.

Determining merit, and how we measure someones worth will never have a definite answer. It will be an ongoing debate no matter how far we come. One thing that will create a cascading effect and bring us closer is the power of empathy. Empathy will never divide us and it is guaranteed to guide us to a middle ground. Empathy gives you the ability to be the antidote to someone else’s shame and empathy is only learned by example. Be that example day in and day out and watch how it slowly shapes the perspectives of others around you.