Bend, don’t break.
In football, the bend don’t break scheme is one where the defense is okay with giving up short plays and sustained offensive drives as long as they don’t give up the big play. You rush four and the rest of the team plays in zones. In college football this is used a lot in the Big IX and PAC 12 conferences where much of the offensive schemes are air raid. It is the hope with this strategy eventually you make a stop at the goal line and force a field goal. Limit the damage. The downfall to this strategy is that sustained drives leaves the defense on the field a long time which tests the will and resilience of your players as the game progresses. It can either go one of two ways, the offense gets frustrated and starts making simple mistakes, or the defense wears down so much that they eventually break, then the floodgates open.
Like a Big IX defensive unit facing a team that wants to pass the ball over 50 times a game, do you ever feel like you are carrying too much? As humans, we can’t constantly bend, bend, bend. It’s overwhelming. Anything that bends long enough ends up breaking eventually. We all deal with a lot in silence. We all feel overwhelmed probably more than we want to admit to others. We carry so much responsibility and we don’t want to let our guard down because the world teaches us (especially men), that vulnerability cannot be tolerated. There are seasons of life where it seems like we are constantly grasping at straws to find the motivation to do just about anything. It’s like life is running us, instead of the other way around.
We motivate ourselves through these hard times by playing the negotiation game. We say things like “If I can just figure out how to make a little more money by the end of this year, I’ll rest.” or “Once my child gets through this difficult stage in life, things will be better.” These negotiation tactics don’t work. I know from experience. You are constantly operating at a deficit. You feel fatigued down to the soul level and you revert to bad habits and sin to fill a gap that won’t go away superficially like you tell yourself it will.
People in today’s culture are often.
Overwhelmed because they are carrying too much of a mental load.
Overcommitted because of doing too much.
Over-exposed because of processing too much through technology.
The question then becomes, how do we find rest? It won’t come from the superficial things that life has to offer like a change in circumstances, material possessions, or recognition. Most of us had instances of being bullied during our childhood. Finding rest is much like that moment when you finally shared with your parents about being bullied. It required courage as a kid to open up about something personal like that, but after doing so, half of that burden dissipates because we no longer carry it alone. It is now shared. There are three ways I share that load.
Write it down. Put what is bothering you on paper. Write down your responsibilities, and commitments. Write down exactly why you are overwhelmed and where it is coming from. You may not be able to change it right away, but it is amazing how the transfer from thoughts to paper creates a release in anxiety. I can promise you it will.
Confide in someone else what you are going through. Many of us have advocates in our lives that we don’t use in this way. I don’t as much as I should because I don’t think anyone should have to shoulder my burdens for me. I think there is a stigma that expressing your burdens to others creates an uneven power dynamic. This person doesn’t have to solve the problem for you and that shouldn’t be the intention. There is nothing wrong with asking someone to listen with no intent of being a problem solver.
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29. For me, Jesus understands that I can’t escape the weight of life because life is hard. The invitation of Jesus is not to make life easier, it’s to make the load lighter by sharing your burdens. Being intentional about spending time in the bible, and spending time in conversation with God is always the best remedy.
