That chip on your shoulder.
The story of Michael Jordan getting cut from his high school basketball team is well known. As a 15-year old sophomore, Jordan was only 5’ 10” and got cut in lieu of his friend, Leroy Smith, who was 6’ 7”. During his professional career every time he checked into a hotel, instead of using his real name, you know what alias he used? Leroy Smith.
Jordan is the greatest basketball player that ever lived not because of natural talent, even though that played a big part in the equation. He is the greatest basketball player who ever lived because he was a master synthesizer of criticism. That chip on his shoulder was both real and mentally-generated and got him to the heights he achieved. On one hand, that is what fueled his ascent from humble beginnings into one of the most dynamic and exciting athletes that the world has ever seen. On the other hand, Jordan had to be okay with damaging relationships and it was that chip that led him to issues in his personal life.
I am notorious for utilizing a chip, real or perceived, to get where I want to be. I am not saying this is right, but I have found a way to feel slighted every step of my journey.
I had a science teacher in high school that told me to play it safe, stay home, and play to my strengths while attending community college (there is absolutely nothing wrong with attending community college by the way).
I am sure her intentions weren’t malicious, but I took that personally and decided that I would prove her wrong and go to a 4-year university.My first semester at the University of Northern Colorado I had a math teacher that told me that my mental aptitude was not sufficient to be a college graduate. I took that and made it my mission to get my bachelors degree just so I could rub it in his face.
In all actuality, he probably didn’t even remember who I was.I wanted to continue my graduate work at UNC after I completed my bachelors degree but did not get the graduate assistant position in the department I worked in. I took that perceived slight, received a graduate assistantship at University of Mississippi, and completed a graduate degree there.
If I wasn’t denied that opportunity at UNC, I would have not been able to step outside of my comfort zone and go somewhere new and exciting.I failed my comprehensive exams at Ole Miss to complete my graduate degree. I was told by my advisor that he didn’t think I was going to be able to pass the retest (we were allowed one). I never studied so hard for two weeks straight in my entire life. I passed the retest with flying colors.
My advisor was a really great guy. Looking back on it now, I bet he said that to give me the kick in the pants I needed.I have applied for a couple of open positions over the years at my current institution because I felt I was a good candidate and had a proven track record of success. I wasn’t hired for those positions because I didn’t have the “perceived” experience needed. I am grateful now that I didn’t receive those opportunities because it has opened bigger and better things for me, but at the time I felt so slighted that I made it my mission to prove everyone wrong.
I was probably passed over these positions not because someone wanted to keep me down. More than likely, there were calculated reasons behind the decisions that were made.I took all of these “perceived” slights by the educators and employers that said I couldn’t do it and took it a step further. I decided to pursue my doctorate degree to show them that I could achieve something none of them did. Through 5 years of early mornings and sleepless nights I reached the pinnacle of my education in 2019. I started developing curriculum and teaching classes soon after graduation. This past year I got control of my health lost 80 pounds and am in the best shape of my life.
I am glad I used criticism to get where I am. Looking at the big picture, I probably synthesized most of these perceived slights against me though.
I give you these examples of how I have used a chip on my shoulder for good reason. There is a caveat to all of this. Yes, utilizing criticism is one of the best motivators out there and there is absolutely nothing wrong with proving the doubters wrong. To a certain extent, the world is an unforgiving place and you are the only person that controls the path you will take and the success you cultivate for yourself. But there needs to be a balance.
Solely utilizing a source of motivation that requires us to believe the narrow expectations of others is not the best way to find our highest potential. If you are not careful, you can perpetually mark yourself as the martyr. You can get yourself in a victim mentality that is sometimes hard to climb out of.
When you play the victim all the time, you serve no one and no one will be willing to serve you. Yes, there are people out there that get some sort of satisfaction with putting other people down. The thing about those people is that they are overcompensating for the insecurities they are uncomfortable with in their own life.
A good majority of the people you encounter will probably find more satisfaction with building you up if they can. But even the best people wont want to extend that olive branch if you have a resentful attitude all of the time. I have had to pull myself out of this headspace a few times because it is not healthy to always feel like the world is out to get you.
I have come to find that the chip on my shoulder is not because the world is out to get me. I, like many of us, have suffered from imposter syndrome for much of my life. Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.
I was “proving people wrong” because I didn’t feel like I belonged in the first place.
