The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Assumptions, Awareness, and Leadership

Human beings are storytellers by nature. But often, the stories we tell ourselves are based not on fact, but on assumption—crafted from gaps in our knowledge, shaped by personal experience, and reinforced by our own biases. This tendency isn’t inherently malicious; it’s a survival mechanism. Our brains are wired to make sense of the world quickly, filling in blanks when we lack information. The problem arises when we mistake our assumptions for truth, acting on incomplete narratives without taking the time to seek clarity.

In leadership, in public service, and in life, this pattern plays out daily. The way we perceive people, policies, and decisions is often a reflection of what we think we know, rather than what we’ve actually taken the time to understand.

A Story of Perception and Reality

As a public servant in parks and recreation, I see this phenomenon in action every day. Nearly everything we do is visible to the public, from facility operations to program funding. And with that visibility comes scrutiny. People form opinions based on limited information—sometimes jumping to conclusions about what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and how decisions are being made.

This happens at every level of government, but also in everyday interactions. Without full context, we make assumptions about coworkers, friends, and even strangers. We believe we know their intentions, their motives, their competence, or their shortcomings—without ever asking them directly.

I’ve seen the power of intentional information-seeking. One of our city council members, Kyle Gamroth, has mastered this skill. He doesn’t react based on surface-level narratives. Instead, he gathers context, asks the right people the right questions, and delivers that information back to the public in a way that makes sense. He understands that real leadership is not about having quick answers—it’s about having informed answers.

On the other side of the equation, I’ve also been fortunate to work under a leader who ensures clarity before confusion can take hold. My direct supervisor, Zulima Lopez, has a gift for anticipating the gaps in understanding. She doesn’t just react to questions—she proactively seeks information, thinking three steps ahead, asking clarifying questions, and ensuring that the right people have the right details before making decisions. This kind of leadership prevents misinformation from taking root in the first place.

How to Lead (and Live) with Clarity and Understanding

We can all do better at closing the gap between assumption and reality. Here are three key takeaways for leaders—and for anyone who wants to engage with the world more thoughtfully:

1. Slow Down and Ask More Questions

Snap judgments are easy. Thoughtful inquiry takes effort. Before forming an opinion on a situation, ask yourself: Do I have all the necessary information? Who would be the best person to clarify this for me? Instead of assuming someone’s intent, ask them about it. You may be surprised by what you learn.

2. Proactively Provide Context

If you are in a leadership role—or any role where others rely on your decisions—assume that people will create their own narratives if you don’t provide one. Anticipate the questions they might ask. Be transparent, communicative, and clear in your reasoning before misinformation has a chance to spread.

3. Hold Opinions Lightly Until They Are Fully Informed

It’s okay to have an initial reaction, but hold it lightly until you’ve gathered all the facts. Seek to understand, rather than just to be right. If new information contradicts what you believed, be willing to adjust. That flexibility is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Final Thoughts

We will never fully eliminate assumption—it’s a natural part of how we process the world. But we can become more self-aware about when and how we make those assumptions. We can take the extra step to seek clarity, just as we can work harder to provide it for others.

In doing so, we become not only better leaders but better human beings—more understanding, more thoughtful, and more connected to the people and the world around us.