Own it.
What is one of the most important qualities you look for in people in your inner circle? I would venture to guess that at the top of that list is integrity. Integrity is something that is talked about a lot in interpersonal leadership topics. I know in many of the classes I teach, integrity always comes up and the conversation is never cut and dry. The concept of integrity and the qualities of someone who has integrity are very subjective. People in leadership positions say they want employees with integrity, but oftentimes have a hard time explaining exactly what that means.
If you’re like me, you’ve probably at some point in your life, especially in the younger years, scoffed at the idea of integrity as a concept overused by annoying do-gooders, and parents. As I have grown, I have come to understand the importance of integrity and why my parents were so persistent in teaching me to build that quality in myself. I am now trying to teach those lessons to my kids on a very base level, but the question still remains, what is integrity? I don’t have the answer but I strive every day to get a better understanding. The explanation I give my kids, as most parents do is, integrity is about what you do when no one is watching. Integrity is doing the right thing knowing you won’t get recognition for it.
My son asked me this the other day on the way home from school. He said, why would you care about that dad? If no one is watching then you can do whatever you want! To a certain extent, he isn’t wrong. I know he can’t quite wrap his 7-year-old brain around why in the world he should care about what he is doing when he is alone.
To me, someone who has integrity is someone who strives to be in a state of congruence.
As I have dug deeper into figuring out what integrity is I have come across the works of Carl Rogers and the Humanistic Theory of Personality Development. He believed that for a person to achieve self-actualization they must be in a state of congruence. This means that self-actualization occurs when a person's “ideal self” (i.e., who they would like to be) is congruent with their actual behavior (self-image).
What I didn’t know as a kid but am now starting to realize, is that there is a lot of wisdom wrapped into this concept of being the same person, regardless of if you are alone or around others. It’s related to having a moral compass, yes, but more so it’s about being congruent in your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. As a Christian, my identity comes from Jesus and the belief that I am saved by grace and I want to pass that message along to others. I have found that the best way to spread the gospel has nothing to do with the words that come out of my mouth. It has everything to do with being in a state of congruence. I try hard every day to match my beliefs and my identity in Christ to my behavior. I am not perfect and that is way easier said than done, but I know people respond to my actions way more than my words.
What keeps us from having this state of congruence in our lives? Many of us don’t want to be vulnerable. We don’t want to show our weaknesses. We get caught up in this concept that if others pick up on our weaknesses they will use that to their advantage. I have found that it is the exact opposite. Respect is earned by your willingness to own it. To own all of your faults and shortcomings, because we all have them, and very few are brave enough to put them fully on display.
