An inside job.
As humans, we are aiming creatures. It is built into us to look at a point, and move toward it. I will challenge you to try and find someone, anyone, who doesn’t have an aim or goal. You will not find anyone who doesn’t have one, I can promise you. You see many statistics out there every year about goal setting and percentages of people who fail to meet established goals. Most of those range from 80%-90% of people who never complete what they set out to do. Our initial thought is people are lazy, undisciplined, and lack commitment. For some, yes that is the reason they can’t get where they want to be. I think most are able to be committed and disciplined. So why are we failing at such a high rate? I think one very important reason we don’t meet our goals is that we assume that the aim we have will somehow bring us happiness.
Here are some examples of what we tell ourselves.
Once I have enough money, then I will be happy.
Once I have the house (or car, or RV), then I will be happy.
Once I lose weight, then I will be happy.
Once I have the degree, then I will be happy.
Once I have the right job, then I will be happy.
Once I find the right partner, then I will be happy.
Once I have 50,000 social media followers I will be happy.
I fall into this trap often. In the past five years, I have accomplished a lot of goals that I set for myself. My doctorate, my health, getting a slot with the FBI, and my consulting business. All of these goals were completed and I thought there would be an epiphany at the end of the rainbow. This was not the case. I accomplished a goal, and life went on. It was a bummer. I felt like there should have been more. Here is what I was missing from the equation. All of these scenarios were connected to people, things, and superficial outcomes.
Don’t assign anyone or anything that much power over your life. As long as you believe that your happiness is connected to something external, you will not be happy now. There will always be something else, more money, a different place to live, a different job, and more friends. You will be discouraged that those things aren’t bringing happiness, and quit trying whatsoever. Having goals and dreams are absolutely necessary. But chasing happiness is not the answer. Happiness is about our being grateful for life experiences and our ability to be content with things as they are. Happiness is also constantly changing. Don’t dwell on the fact that yesterday was unpleasant.
When you really understand that your happiness is your responsibility, no one will ever have the power to make you unhappy either.
Happiness should be a precursor to having goals and dreams, not a result of completing the process. It is an inside job. Once you realize that there is not anyone or anything on this earth that is responsible for your happiness, anything you put your mind to can become a reality.
